Admiring Your Spouse

In most cases, when a marriage is strong, individuals would not hesitate to say that they admire their spouse. As we come to learn what admiration means, on a deeper level, I think that many would see that they are missing strong aspects of admiring their spouse. Admiration in a dictionary is defined as respect and warm approval, but in a relationship I think the idea changes or shifts a little bit. When I look at my spouse or even when I am not with him I think positively about him and the fact that I miss him and can't to return home, especially after a long day apart. I know I am still fresh to marriage and I expect on occasion my ideals will change, but as couples dwell on and recall positive memories from the past, they too can deepen their admiration for one another.

In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, the author, John Gottman talks about how admiration and fondness go hand in hand. He explains how fondness and admiration can be fragile or even lost as we lose awareness of their importance to the friendship in a marriage. As couples take the time to recognize positive things about one another and actually vocalize it, they are able to see how the other feels about them. Doing such small acts really helps keep that admiration alive. It is so important, even just for the well-being of an individual, to be told more of the positive aspects of that person, rather than negative aspects. Just as the negative aspects tear a person down, the positive aspects can build that person up and in a marriage, it works in the same way. 

There is absolutely no doubt that annoyances of your spouse will be visible in a marriage, but how we react and use that knowledge is key to making or breaking the marriage. President Kimball stated that we should, "Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become." This quote reminds me of the saying that almost every parent teaches their child, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." As human beings each of us are fragile to the damaging words that others too often speak; our spouse should be the one person, if no one else, that strives to build up their partners character. People don't choose to get married without fondness, admiration, and other aspects that make two people desire one another. Let us use love, admiration, and fondness without hesitation on a daily basis to strengthen our marriages and our friendships with our spouses.