Eternally Bound

To be bound in a marriage means an agreement with legal force. When we vow to unconditionally love an individual for all time and eternity that is a pretty big commitment that truly binds you to your spouse. This one event does not mean that a bond is complete, but instead it is the start of the never-ending promise that you will continue to work on that bond with your spouse. We must think of being bound as an action; there can always be improvements and it should be worked on daily. Growing up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, I have learned that creating an eternal bond takes three. That bond is founded upon the teachings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and includes a husband, a wife, and the Lord. When a family has a strong bond, it allows happiness to be a common emotion in the home. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."As we as spouses learn to let our homes and marriages be built on these aspects we can hold onto that eternal bond with certainty.

In the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard teaches us that, "When we put God first, everything else falls into it's proper place!" This is such a powerful statement and we should use it to create stronger bonds in our marriages. We know that God is all knowing and all loving; He intended for and wants our marriages to be strong. As we seek after these things and allow God to be present in our marriage, He will personally allow our eternal bond with our spouse to be strengthened. I really appreciate my spouse when I look at my marriage as a bond because to me that seems like a promise on never ending love and support.

John Gottman teaches many ways that bonds can be strengthened in his book called, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. In one his chapters he discusses the action of turning towards your spouse and that is a key aspects in keeping that strong bond or strengthening it if it needs some work. Turning towards a spouse shows that you are there no matter what which is usually part of a vow made when couples get married. As we understand that every time we turn towards our husbands or wives we are solidifying and acting upon that bond. Let us not lose sight of that bond because it is eternal and the more we exercise it's use the more we will get out of marriages. 

Admiring Your Spouse

In most cases, when a marriage is strong, individuals would not hesitate to say that they admire their spouse. As we come to learn what admiration means, on a deeper level, I think that many would see that they are missing strong aspects of admiring their spouse. Admiration in a dictionary is defined as respect and warm approval, but in a relationship I think the idea changes or shifts a little bit. When I look at my spouse or even when I am not with him I think positively about him and the fact that I miss him and can't to return home, especially after a long day apart. I know I am still fresh to marriage and I expect on occasion my ideals will change, but as couples dwell on and recall positive memories from the past, they too can deepen their admiration for one another.

In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, the author, John Gottman talks about how admiration and fondness go hand in hand. He explains how fondness and admiration can be fragile or even lost as we lose awareness of their importance to the friendship in a marriage. As couples take the time to recognize positive things about one another and actually vocalize it, they are able to see how the other feels about them. Doing such small acts really helps keep that admiration alive. It is so important, even just for the well-being of an individual, to be told more of the positive aspects of that person, rather than negative aspects. Just as the negative aspects tear a person down, the positive aspects can build that person up and in a marriage, it works in the same way. 

There is absolutely no doubt that annoyances of your spouse will be visible in a marriage, but how we react and use that knowledge is key to making or breaking the marriage. President Kimball stated that we should, "Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become." This quote reminds me of the saying that almost every parent teaches their child, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." As human beings each of us are fragile to the damaging words that others too often speak; our spouse should be the one person, if no one else, that strives to build up their partners character. People don't choose to get married without fondness, admiration, and other aspects that make two people desire one another. Let us use love, admiration, and fondness without hesitation on a daily basis to strengthen our marriages and our friendships with our spouses.

Taking the Natural Man out of Marriage

What is the natural man? The natural man is an enemy to God. The natural man follows the ideas and guidance of the world instead of God. The natural man is, "a person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things. All people are carnal, or mortal, because of the fall of Adam and Eve. Each person must be born again through the atonement of Jesus Christ to cease being a natural man" (The Guide to the Scriptures). If all men became natural through the fall of Adam, how can we make sure to avoid it, especially in our marriages?

           Like stated above, the natural man gets wrapped up in worldly things that don't matter. We can often see examples of this through observation of couples that we know, couples in movies, or even in our own marriages. From the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman we can learn so many instances where individuals get caught battling with the natural man in their marriage. The natural man in a marriage creates stone walls, forgets to offer compassion, create wedges between spouses, and eventually disintegrates the family. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that every family must be centered on the principles of Christ and if one partner acts more as a natural man, than a child of God these principles will not be taught or practiced.

             There are many things that help allow the natural man to be cast out of marriages and a good foundation or starting point is friendship as we learn from Gottman. As friendship becomes a building block in marriage couples can use one another to push away from the natural man and become more loving just as Christ would do. God designed marriage for many reasons and a big aspect is the sense of unity that it brings to two individuals. The natural man does not create unity, but instead does the exact opposite, tear marriages apart. In my own marriage I am able to understand that I need to turn to our Savior when I feel the natural man creeping into my heart. It is impossible to be perfect in our marriages, but as we become better at recognizing when the natural man in present, we can then shift gears and have Christ be present instead.

Marriage According to God

It is so often that individuals in any kind of relationship may seem to think that, they themselves, and the other person involved must each give 50% in order for the relationship to grow and progress. As we are able to come to accept the fact that to have a full and healthy relationship both individuals actually need to each put in a whole 100%, then we can understand part of what a covenant marriage is according to God. Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, " Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent." We should all strive to have a covenant marriage because that is what will allow us to return to the presence of God. 

It is such a blessing that we are able to be united to one individual from the time we choose to marry and throughout the rest of eternity. What a gift marriage is from God and that every person has the opportunity to do so.  Another big part of God's plan for marriage is the idea of creating an eternal family. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that families can be together forever, even after this mortal life. We know that the only way for our family to be together forever is to make and keep sacred covenants in the Holy Temple.  Without being sealed to our families in The House of The Lord we can only be together until death. We must continually prepare to enter the Temple to make the covenants that allow families to be together for eternity and the song Families Can Be Together Forever describes this idea perfectly:

Verse 1: I have a fam'ly here on earth.

They are so good to me.

I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

(Chorus)

Fam'lies can be together forever

Through Heav'nly Father's plan.

I always want to be with my own family,

And the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord has shown me how I can.

Verse 2: While I am in my early years,

I'll prepare most carefully,

So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.

Elder Hafen also said, "Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will." I think it is important that we fully understand what is required of a marriage and enter into the holy covenant of marriage with the Savior's love and an eternal perspective. 

Traditional Marriage

"The ancient origins of marriage confirm its centrality, but it has not stood in isolation from developments in law and society. The history of marriage is one of both continuity and change. That institution—even as confined to opposite-sex relations—has evolved over time." What does that even mean? Sure, marriage has developed over time, but has it really changed? The idea of traditional marriage sure hasn't. 

Even in a society where the view and ideas of marriage have changed legally... the sacred nature of marriage in the eyes of God has and will continue to stay the same. When learning about the Supreme Court ruling of the legalization of gay marriage, it was stated that, "the fundamental purpose of marriage is to promote the well-being of those who choose to marry. Marriage provides emotional fulfillment and the promise of support in times of need. And by benefiting persons who choose to wed, marriage indirectly benefits society because persons who live in stable, fulfilling, and supportive relationships make better citizens." I definitely agree with this statement because I do view marriage as positive thing for people involved. I would argue this being the most fundamental purpose.  God has taught that marriage is to unite two personages and for them to use power of procreation to create life and rear children. And I think that is more fundamental than the well-being of the people involved. Yes it does bring joy and allows a support system, but what did God intend marriage to be? 

Marriage is ordained of God, it is a vital part of His eternal plan, it is intended to last forever. It is essential for our exaltation, it must be performed by proper authority, and it is a joy and a great sacrifice.

I will say that I, in no way, look down on those who struggle with same sex attraction or those who choose to marry someone of the same sex, but I personally simply do not practice that or believe in it's validity. I will love and show compassion towards those people under all circumstances. But I will always defend God and what I know is the truth of what a marriage should be. In the case about the legalization of same-sex marriage, it mentioned that the third parties, (like me) are not affected, which I personally believe to be true. In no way does the legalization of same sex marriage personally affect me or the way I choose to live my life. That being said, I am thankful for my knowledge of the truth and I will live according to that. 

Elder Nelson said, "Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary." And I wholeheartedly agree, that is what marriage and raising a family is all about.