Taking the Natural Man out of Marriage

What is the natural man? The natural man is an enemy to God. The natural man follows the ideas and guidance of the world instead of God. The natural man is, "a person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things. All people are carnal, or mortal, because of the fall of Adam and Eve. Each person must be born again through the atonement of Jesus Christ to cease being a natural man" (The Guide to the Scriptures). If all men became natural through the fall of Adam, how can we make sure to avoid it, especially in our marriages?

           Like stated above, the natural man gets wrapped up in worldly things that don't matter. We can often see examples of this through observation of couples that we know, couples in movies, or even in our own marriages. From the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman we can learn so many instances where individuals get caught battling with the natural man in their marriage. The natural man in a marriage creates stone walls, forgets to offer compassion, create wedges between spouses, and eventually disintegrates the family. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we learn that every family must be centered on the principles of Christ and if one partner acts more as a natural man, than a child of God these principles will not be taught or practiced.

             There are many things that help allow the natural man to be cast out of marriages and a good foundation or starting point is friendship as we learn from Gottman. As friendship becomes a building block in marriage couples can use one another to push away from the natural man and become more loving just as Christ would do. God designed marriage for many reasons and a big aspect is the sense of unity that it brings to two individuals. The natural man does not create unity, but instead does the exact opposite, tear marriages apart. In my own marriage I am able to understand that I need to turn to our Savior when I feel the natural man creeping into my heart. It is impossible to be perfect in our marriages, but as we become better at recognizing when the natural man in present, we can then shift gears and have Christ be present instead.

Marriage According to God

It is so often that individuals in any kind of relationship may seem to think that, they themselves, and the other person involved must each give 50% in order for the relationship to grow and progress. As we are able to come to accept the fact that to have a full and healthy relationship both individuals actually need to each put in a whole 100%, then we can understand part of what a covenant marriage is according to God. Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, " Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent." We should all strive to have a covenant marriage because that is what will allow us to return to the presence of God. 

It is such a blessing that we are able to be united to one individual from the time we choose to marry and throughout the rest of eternity. What a gift marriage is from God and that every person has the opportunity to do so.  Another big part of God's plan for marriage is the idea of creating an eternal family. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that families can be together forever, even after this mortal life. We know that the only way for our family to be together forever is to make and keep sacred covenants in the Holy Temple.  Without being sealed to our families in The House of The Lord we can only be together until death. We must continually prepare to enter the Temple to make the covenants that allow families to be together for eternity and the song Families Can Be Together Forever describes this idea perfectly:

Verse 1: I have a fam'ly here on earth.

They are so good to me.

I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

(Chorus)

Fam'lies can be together forever

Through Heav'nly Father's plan.

I always want to be with my own family,

And the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord has shown me how I can.

Verse 2: While I am in my early years,

I'll prepare most carefully,

So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.

Elder Hafen also said, "Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will." I think it is important that we fully understand what is required of a marriage and enter into the holy covenant of marriage with the Savior's love and an eternal perspective. 

Traditional Marriage

"The ancient origins of marriage confirm its centrality, but it has not stood in isolation from developments in law and society. The history of marriage is one of both continuity and change. That institution—even as confined to opposite-sex relations—has evolved over time." What does that even mean? Sure, marriage has developed over time, but has it really changed? The idea of traditional marriage sure hasn't. 

Even in a society where the view and ideas of marriage have changed legally... the sacred nature of marriage in the eyes of God has and will continue to stay the same. When learning about the Supreme Court ruling of the legalization of gay marriage, it was stated that, "the fundamental purpose of marriage is to promote the well-being of those who choose to marry. Marriage provides emotional fulfillment and the promise of support in times of need. And by benefiting persons who choose to wed, marriage indirectly benefits society because persons who live in stable, fulfilling, and supportive relationships make better citizens." I definitely agree with this statement because I do view marriage as positive thing for people involved. I would argue this being the most fundamental purpose.  God has taught that marriage is to unite two personages and for them to use power of procreation to create life and rear children. And I think that is more fundamental than the well-being of the people involved. Yes it does bring joy and allows a support system, but what did God intend marriage to be? 

Marriage is ordained of God, it is a vital part of His eternal plan, it is intended to last forever. It is essential for our exaltation, it must be performed by proper authority, and it is a joy and a great sacrifice.

I will say that I, in no way, look down on those who struggle with same sex attraction or those who choose to marry someone of the same sex, but I personally simply do not practice that or believe in it's validity. I will love and show compassion towards those people under all circumstances. But I will always defend God and what I know is the truth of what a marriage should be. In the case about the legalization of same-sex marriage, it mentioned that the third parties, (like me) are not affected, which I personally believe to be true. In no way does the legalization of same sex marriage personally affect me or the way I choose to live my life. That being said, I am thankful for my knowledge of the truth and I will live according to that. 

Elder Nelson said, "Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary." And I wholeheartedly agree, that is what marriage and raising a family is all about. 

The Shift of Marriage And Family

It is so alarming how much the idea of marriage is changing as time goes on. I feel like people do not understand the significance of marriage, which then skews their view of whether marriage is really important or not. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ I know and understand that "marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). If we have this knowledge and revelation, why does it seem so far-fetched to get married and start families? We NEED marriage and family in order to to bring up future generations in wholesome environments and this idea is constantly being attacked. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we also learn that, "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." What does that even mean? Each child is entitled to be born under these circumstances. If God planned for all of His children to fulfill this statement above, then why is there so much opposition in this simple idea? We of course know that there is opposition in all things, but why are some children more fortunate than others? Some children are blessed to be born into a home with high values, endless love, and with faith in the Lord; while others are introduced to abuse, divorce, and loneliness at such young ages. What can be done about this?

Although there are many that are more unfortunate than others, there are actions that can be taken to turn negative family lives into positive environments. I think it is extremely important to educate and guide these that do not have the privilege of growing up in a stable home but seek for themselves to find stability in their future homes. Initially, a person must choose for themselves and come to know the importance of a marriage and family, but those who do have the opportunity to be transitional characters and create habits and behaviors that turn their marriages and families into what they can become. It is hard to come up with one big solution on how to fix this and educate people because there is such a difference of opinion on what a marriage should be and what a family should look like.

As the world comes to understand what God intended marriage to become we can shift the ideas of marriage and family into the best that it can be.