Choose Your Battles Wisely

With marriage comes a lot of sacrifice as well as a lot of compromise, which then creates the need for individuals to understand the perspective of their spouse to ensure minimal conflicts. Not every problem that arises is a big deal and therefore we must choose which battles should be fought. There will always be conflicts, some good and some bad; conflict in inevitable in a marriage, but such is life. How do we choose which issues are worth fighting over?

President Monson once said, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important that a person to be loved." I think this is a perfect motto to live by in a marriage. If we let grudges and problems put wedges between us and our spouses we are not having the type of marriage God intended. He intended us to have quite the opposite, a marriage that continuously blooms and lasts throughout all eternity.

In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman explains the two types of martial conflict. First, there are perpetual conflicts that refer to the majority of martial conflicts that don't need to be resolved in order for a marriage to work. They are usually things that couples can look past, even if they are still there. These conflicts may be something that keeps getting brought up but won't make or break the relationship so spouses learn to live with it. If couples find themselves getting gridlocked over these problems rather coping well with them they should take a step back and re-evaluate t
he core of the problem. Second, there are solvable conflicts that refer to issues that arise usually because of a specific reason and have a number of ways that they can be resolved. Although they may initially cause pain the great part about them is that they can be solved when two partners are willing. Both of these types of marital conflicts will exist in any marriage but we choose how to handle them and which ones turn into full throttle battles.

I know that I am not perfect in my marriage. I often let my emotions take over during conflict, I can be stubborn in thinking that I am always right, and I can especially say hurtful things that I don't mean. As I learn more about my husband and understand how conflicts arise in our marriage I know that I can put these principles to great use. It is important that at the end of the day we haven't chosen a battle that has a bad ending and instead we follow the words of President Monson and choose to love our spouses.